My eyes jerked open. I can't believe I fell asleep. .
   
   I was lying down in the dark on top of my bed, staring at the ceiling, and for a moment I thought I were alone, as usual, but I was startled when I wasn't; a man lay beside me, his chest rising and falling with every breath and heart beat. Just looking at him made so many memories come. . Of course, I had known him for quite a long time. He was handsome to me, auburn hair, and even though he had that scruffy beard he refused to get rid of, and was stubborn, paranoid, and of course, of the male species. . He had his moments. His wife died about four years ago, when my old apprentice Malak and his Kath Hound Saul Karath bombed the planet of Telos, without any real meaning at all. It had taken everything he loved away from him, his son was lost after the attack, his wife was killed, but we found his son later. . But that was a dreadful memory. However, somehow, at this moment, everything was all right with him. And even if he wasn't showing any body language, I could tell he was happy. Happy with me. Why?

   He turned his head towards me in his sleep. I turned to face him, my hand instantly cupping his cheek and stroking his stubble. My eyes searched his face, and then I turned completely towards him. His arm snaked under my waist and hugged me closer to him by instinct. I gave a false smile at this; but I wasn't happy at all. I sighed.

   It had started right after we destroyed the Star Forge. . My memories were coming back like wildfire. Sometimes they weren't all that bad. . Sometimes I could hardly move when I felt agony over my actions as Darth Revan. . . Most of the time I couldn't tell nightmares from the memories. It was last month. . Last month, I had started remembering. . Important things. I remembered something dangerous that had happened, but my mind was just too incomplete for me to grasp the whole of it. Something. . Before I had turned to the Dark Side. . Had preyed on me. I had found out about the Star Maps, the maps that led to the Star Forge, but along the way. . I remembered I gathered information from data pads and such for finding ways to finish off the Mandalorians when I first found the Star Map on Dantooine, but they said something different as well. . It was about the Star Forge, but then. . It wasn't. Something different from anything else. I could never find out what. It was something important, something having to do with my fall. . And I had to know what it said, because that something that I gathered from various archives. . . That something had led me to the outer rim, that something that led me straight into the clutches of. . .

   Something else. I sighed again. I felt the softest feeling of moisture along rims of my eyes and eyelashes where unshed tears gathered, waiting to fall. They had been preparing to fall for almost a month. . My jaw twitched with the sadness I felt as I thought about what I had to do that night. . I had to leave the man I had loved for so long. This had been the first time I had slept with him, and I knew he was planning to propose to me soon. . That was precisely why I had to go now.

   He moved a little in his sleep, a smile playing in his features.

   "Hairless. . Wookie. . . Huh?" His grin grew wider. I allowed myself to smile, but only for a moment. I would miss him so much. . If only I could stay, just one more night. . Maybe I could -

   No, I told myself, it had to be tonight. If I stayed another night, it would be that much harder to leave. No matter how much I hated to, no matter how much I wanted to stay forever in his arms, no matter how much it would kill me, I had to leave. The tears finally fell down my cheek. But they wouldn't be falling for long. I didn't like crying.

   I leaned easily out of the bed, looking at him the entire time so as to not wake him. But my heart said different: I wanted to be stopped so terribly it hurt. I was up and dressed in a second; I threw my hair up in a messy ponytail, and I wore a classic smuggling outfit complete with the smuggling gloves. I looked back at my beloved, and walked over to him. I laid a data pad next to his head. Kissing his forehead, and stroking his cheek, I let my silent tears splash onto his face, watching them fall delicately down to his scruffy chin. My body shook with short sobs to go along with the sharp repetitive stabs of pain in my heart, stabbing with each breath, each beat of my heart, each fiber of sorrow, each pang of hurt in my heart of leaving this man tonight. He moved his head, turning to face me. I just thought he was moving in his sleep, and went back to where my bags were. I gathered them together, reluctant to look back again. I had to leave. My heart pounded in my ears as I gathered my belongings together. At the last second, I remembered that I had forgotten something. I turned around to retrieve my necklace, imagining myself grabbing it, then my bags, and heading out to the Ebon Hawk and leaving, but. . That's not what happened. .

   "Just where do you think you're going?" A raspy voice greeted me, almost quivering. I froze in my place. My bags were all packed, they were against the door, but I still wasn't fast enough. Right when I was ready to go, ready to leave, he stopped me. Ready to leave, I echoed my thoughts. But not ready to say goodbye to the ones I loved. It's why I selected this time of the night. To make it easy, or so I had believed. I couldn't move from my spot with him here.

   "I'm. . I'm sorry, Carth. . I didn't mean. . I wanted to. ."

   "Wanted to what, Revan? Wanted to leave, just when we had settled?" His expression was more than showing what he felt - sorrow, love, and confusion. I didn't need to use force powers to know what he felt. He looked like he was about to fall apart in front of my eyes. He knew what I was doing, why I was out here. But he didn't know where I was going or why I was going there. I took a deep breath of air, remembering why I needed to leave, and what it meant leaving behind. The Jedi on the outer rim needed me, our brothers and sisters in danger. If they didn't hold out for as long as the Republic needed, we were all doomed. But I didn't have any clue what we are up against, and what it would cost me. I would be leaving Carth, abandoning my true love. . And happiness. I'm pretty sure it was worth it though.

   Wasn't it? I never could make the right choice when it came to big decisions. I always winded up being miserable anyways. Hopefully, when I leave he could find love. . Again. One that is worthy of him. And I can die out there and no one would miss me. Mission got over Taris, her home planet after it was bombed, she could get over me easily. Bastila didn't have any real attachments to me, did she? Her serene Jedi composure would make her forget about me. I knew I was only trying to fool myself, but, hey, it was working. Suddenly I couldn't breathe. I was choking, trying to force back the tears, but my attempt to keep them down was in vain. I could feel the tears burning in my eyes, my throat itching. I can't let them do this to me, I'm stronger than this. . I knew I couldn't live without them. Without any of them. I took a shaky breath and tried to sound as calm as possible. Still, I need to go. Even if I die out there, and going won't change much, I need to do what I can. It's the right thing to do. I remember saying something like that a few years back when the Mandalorian Wars started..

   He seemed to have gathered that his face was wet from my tears a few minutes ago, and he wiped his face with his hand.

   "Answer me, Revan. Did you think that you could just walk away? After all we had been through? Why, Revan? Are you leaving us," indicating all the others that I had traveled with on the Ebon Hawk, "Or are you leaving me?" I heard his voice crack. I felt my heart break. No, no, it wasn't supposed to be like this. . My head was blank. Revan was supposed to be a genius. I had defeated the Mandalorians with my feints and counter-attacks.

Why couldn't I leave tonight?

   "Carth. . I can't. . I have to go. . I need to help. ." I started.

   "For starters, Revan, you need to help yourself." He stated, looking hard at me. "You have always helped other people, I'm guilty of your assistance too, but Revan, it's about damn time you helped yourself. You've been trailing all across this side of the Galaxy for Star maps and Star Forge from the Jedi's command, you found out unwanted truths, Revan, you've been hurt terribly, physically and mentally," he winced, "and you still help people that don't deserve it. Why don't you help someone that does deserve it?"

   "Everyone deserves help, Carth." I know I sounded stupid, but I didn't even plan for anyone to find out, so I didn't know what I was to tell him. I had no way of knowing this would happen. "I had hoped you would all be asleep. . It would be easier that way. ."

   "So you just wanted to leave? Without saying goodbye? If these people need help so much, why not take someone with you? What if you die out there and nobody knows it? What if you never come back?" His eyes looked deep into mine, searching them. It was like he was questioning my love for him. I could feel him, it was like he was peeking into my core. I couldn't bear it, the pain. . This man had my heart in his hands. What was I supposed to do? I had to go. Those people. . The Republic. . They were all doomed if I didn't leave as soon as I could. I averted my gaze from his, a tear escaping.

   "No. Oh, no, no!" I grabbed my head, a sudden white-hot pain shot up through my spine. No, that wasn't pain. It was fear. I was scared. I wasn't scared about leaving and fighting some unknown Sith, but I was scared of loosing the only man I had ever truly loved.

   "Tell me, Revan. Don't hide things from me anymore." I heard his scorn, the rage taking place of sadness in his voice. It wasn't helping. I sank to my knees, clutching my chest. "I knew it. I knew something was wrong because you've been acting strange. . Don't lie to me or give me that kriffing 'people need help' shavit."

   We stood there a moment, unmoving. After a few moments he sighed and walked over to me, knelt down an started to stroke my hair, making it fall out of my messy pony tail. "I've always liked you having your hair down," he mumbled. He rubbed his fingers through my long ebony strands of hair. I felt his long, coarse fingers rubbing my long strands of hair. I didn't want to leave. It was the last thing I wanted, and what he was doing wasn't helping me leave either. "I don't want to loose you, you are too important to me, Beautiful. At least. . take me with you." He pleaded.

   "Carth.. I have to leave, the Republic, its doomed if I don't leave now. I wish it could have been a different way. I wish a different person could have this responsibility. I would give anything. . Anything. . Just to stay with you. But we know it can't be like that." I smiled sadly, tears falling freely down my cheek, opposed by only the gentle stroking of his thumb. Damnit, why didn't they stop? "I can't take you with me, I will be in constant danger. . We both know that if you die, I have a greater chance at falling." I saw only a moment of pleasure at this in his eyes, but the pleasure quickly returned to sadness. He knew he met so much to me. It would be foolish to take him.

   " But I promise I will come back. Someday. I willl return. I can't live without you, Flyboy. I. . I love you so much." I tried to smile a bit, and turned my head to face him directly. "I have made this promise to you, and I will never break it. But. . I need you to make me a promise." He literally froze in his place, stilled by my doing. He stood unmoving by the Force Stasis I laid on him. Tears fell freely down my cheeks as I looked into his eyes. "I want you to promise me that you will keep the Republic strong. At least until I return. Find another love, if possible. ." The tears that fell from my eyes soon fell from his, falling gingerly the side of his cheek. I brushed them away, rubbing my palm on his cheek and jaw, where I rested the tip of my hand. "But never forget. . I will always love you, and you alone." I embraced him closely, kissed his cheek, which I lingered in long enough to move to his actual lips, then turned to my bag.

   I only looked back once. His eyes burned at me with sadness, longing, but I closed my eyes shut. Our bond allowed me to read his thoughts, and feelings. Waves of sadness and remorse, love and passion hit me hard. He wished to gather me in his arms, to hold me, at least once more. He swore to me, he would wait. "No other woman. . I love you, and you alone, Revan. . I will wait a life time. Oh, Force, I'll wait two life times, just come back to me in one piece. I'll be waiting. I love you, oh, Force, I love you so much. Goodbye, Revan."

   "Goodbye, Onasi." I fingered the trinket around my neck, which had cost me precious moments to retrieve from the nightstand, precious moments in which I could have left without this confrontation, I felt the small, loving words engraved on the surface under my thumb, and then I turned away, to my Ebon Hawk, out of Coruscant, away from the Core Worlds, to the Outer Rim. To where my destiny lay.

   Not two weeks after I had left Coruscant, I realized that I was pregnant.

   Personal friends of mine helped me through the hard time, which two of them I retrieved when I was on planet Adega on the Outer Rim. They were orphans, their parents killed by Mandalorians. I felt the Force whirling around them both, and felt sorry for them both. Such talented children wasted to a life of sadness and hardship. I couldn't help but bring them along. The eldest of the siblings -Jacob, who was 14, became my apprentice as soon as I won his trust over. His sister, Jade, age 10, took a while to become used to me. They missed their parents deeply, even though it had been a long while since they had died. They weren't my only companions, however. One man that I had known before then traveled with me, his name bringing bad memories. They all aided me greatly, especially with my baby. It was nice having them along, knowing someone could back me up if the going got rough made me feel safe. I felt a reluctance to love them, in fear that they would be killed, or worse, but they were clever and crafty, always stuck together. They took better care of themselves than I ever could, especially after I trained them in the Force. I loved them like my own children. I knew it was wrong of me, but I couldn't help myself. Once I reached half-way to my destination, I had to let go of the Ebon Hawk for another ship. I couldn't risk being found. By Sith or Carth Onasi.

   Four years later, I met Jenna Skye and Atton Rand. Sent by the Republic. They had a message from Carth Onasi, saying he was still waiting for me.

   Just wait a little while longer. I'll keep true to my promise if it kills me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Three Years Later
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

   The pilot turned around and greeted me as I walked in through the cockpits' door in our little ship known as The Fury. We had been out in space for weeks, picking our way back to the Core Worlds. In particularly Coruscant. . we were only a few hours away now. We hadn't contacted anyone there yet, and when they questioned me as to why I hadn't spoken to anyone there yet, I didn't answer them. But one of them knew. Jenna Skye knew. I had been anticipating this journey for months. Years, even. "How far are we from our destination, Atton?" I asked.

   "We'll get there as soon as you stop asking me. Good Sith, you have waited almost six years, you can wait at least a few more hours." I knew he was right, even though he was only joking. I mumbled "seven", sighed and checked the navi-computer, and turned around and trudged out. I walked down the hall, nodded to the few people I saw, Jen, Jacob, and Jade, Jacob's little sister. I walked right past the 'fresher and straight into the 'Girls' Dorm'. I felt relieved, as I always did, when I saw the familiar tiny sleeping form on the small bed that was literally covered in pale pink. Even though I had left her only a few moments ago, I had learned to be very careful about this special girl. I smiled a bit. I thought about what would happen when I reached home as I absent-mindedly bent over a small container and pulled out a small violet blouse and black skirt. I sat down on the bed and urged the sleeping girl to wake up, rubbing the small of her back with my palm. She stirred for a moment, then rubbed her eyes with a sleepy gesture. She yawned and finally opened her eyes, looking up at me as I stood over her.

  "Morning, Mommy." My little Alora, looking up at me with those precious violet eyes, which she inherited from me.

  "Morning, Allie." I pushed her dark hair out of her face, and started helping her out of her pink night clothes and into the piece of wardrobe I had selected for her today.

  "Mommy, can you do my hair for me?" I smiled and went digging through my bag for hair clips.

  "Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?" I teased her. She giggled. "How come all of the sudden you want your hair done nicely?"

  "But mommy, you said today was going to be a big day. I want to look pretty, like you!" She beamed.

  I grinned. Okay, maybe I was pretty, but I wasn't anymore than that. "Oh, I'm pretty alright, but your gorgeous. How do you want your hair done?"

   "I want mine done just like you do yours." She stated. I bent down on one knee behind her as she looked into the mirror, a huge smile on her face. I gently undid the plate hanging down her back and brushed through the tangles, fluffing it out. I pulled her into my chest and kissed her on her tiny cheek, making her giggle again. When she was all ready and dressed up pretty, she looked into the looking glass again, and twirled around in her skirt. "Mommy, this is my nice skirt! Why am I wearing this one?" Confusion lighting her face, she tilted her head, eying me. She got most of her traits from me, but she got this one from Carth, definitely. She was very smart, and very wary.

   I smirked. "Your the one that said today was special, you. But when we get to where we're going, I want you to stay next to Mommy. Okay?" I asked, pointing to myself. She tilted her head to the side, allowing two strands of disobedient hair to fall down her forehead. I saw her delicate brow furrow as she slowly nodded her head. I took her hand, and we left the room, ebony hair flailing behind us. I ran her into the cockpit and let her sit down next to Atton.

   "Hey, cutie." He smirked at Alora, which made her giggle again, clutching her arms to her chest. He had gotten along better with Alora than anyone would have thought, and he always used that smile when he talked to her. I let out strangled laugh, which sounded more like it was filled with anxiety than filled with joy. I asked him to watch her for me, then I turned around and left to go get dressed myself.      

   I rounded the corner, listening to a little girl squeal and giggle and a man laugh from behind me. I went back into the 'Girls' Dorm', and pulled out my own choice of clothing. It was a regular outfit that I so rarely wore, since I was more prior to my precious smuggling outfit. I yanked at my hair out of its messy straight, letting it flow down in any direction it wanted to go as long as it looked nice. I dug through one of my bags for a few minutes, looking through it. I needed something. Something that would complete my look. I dug through everything, then I found what I wanted. I pulled out a sliver chain, which had a small heart dangling from it. . a locket. Engraved on the front of it was Through The Ashes. I turned it over, Returns Love. Carth had given this locket to me about one week prior to my leaving. I gazed down at it for some time, and opened it slowly. In one slot, was a picture of the love of my life, my Carth. He had a huge smile on his face, with two small strings of auburn hair resting on his forehead. I looked at the other picture, a picture of myself. Force, I thought, Why did I have to leave. . I looked at the picture, where that woman's unfamiliar face was beaming at me with joy. That's about the time I got pregnant. . I rubbed my stomach at the thought. Oh, Force, what if he found someone else? What if I will ruin the chance he has at finding love after me, by suddenly coming back? With a daughter, no less. His daughter. I didn't know I would have a child. . I love him, he hast to love me. Right?

   I knew it was selfish of me to think that way, but I couldn't help it. This is how people turn to the Dark Side. I might not even see him. What if the war had spread back to the Core Worlds? What if that horrible man got him. . What if he is. .

   I told myself to shut up.

   I felt hot tears stream down my face, I covered my mouth, and closed my eyes shut. He loves me. . He told me he did. . He promised he would wait. . He is alive and well, and waiting for me. He has to be. I was fighting for him. I spent long years away from him. He would have missed me. At least a little. Wouldn't he? Shouldn't he? How couldn't he. . He promised. He told me. He must be waiting for me.

   My tears streamed down my face and into my lap, where the locket lay. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and walked up to a mirror. I brushed my hair back and hooked the necklace onto my neck snugly. I took a step back and observed myself in the mirror. I hadn't changed a bit. Sure, I looked a bit worn out, but nothing beyond that had changed. Not even my hair, still as black as the dark, no gray.

   I was interrupted by someone knocking on my door. I yelled for them to go ahead and come in, and Jade walked in. She was about 15 and a half, her hair was a light brown. Petite and very shy, but, I trained her well. She proved herself to brave, cunning, and strongly willed. I was really proud of her.

   "Rev, we're here. Are you ready?" She threw me a look, but I nodded my head. I took a deep breath, then headed out of the room and down the hall. It annoyed me that I hadn't known or felt that we had landed on Coruscant. I wasn't feeling anything, not even Alora, who tugged at my hand. They had all been waiting for me, and I mashed the button that released the door. I grabbed my daughter's hand and we all stepped out onto Coruscant. It was around noon, we had arrived a bit late. I sighed.

   "I guess we will have to wait until morning to spread our news. . I'll get us a room for the night." I started off towards some apartments, albeit reluctantly, as Allie, Jacob, and Jade trailed behind me, while Atton and Jenna stayed behind to pay certain landing fees. I was disappointed. It wasn't exactly night time, but there was a lot of things to do before I could see. . Him. . I had to pack up all of our stuff in a few hotel rooms, get everyone settled, and we needed dinner. And it would take over half the day to see 'Admiral Onasi'. I would have to make an appointment with him. I couldn't stay focused, I was thinking about them. . Wondering what they had been doing since I had left for the Unknown Regions. . All that whistled through my thoughts was that they could hate me for leaving him like I did. But still. . I was glad to be home. Carth had achieved the rank of Admiral, as well. He was doing well. I whimpered softly, and wished that nothing bad had happened while I was away. I turned my attention to the little girl at my side. She had never been in a big city. . Or seen her father. .

~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Carth
~*~*~*~*~*~*~

   I sighed, and leaned back in my chair to get comfortable. "Paper work, paper work. ." I lifted up a stack of papers. Guess what was under it. "Oh! Look! More paper work!" I rolled my eyes, set the papers down and pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers. I had been doing the same things all day, every day, twenty-four-seven. Being an Admiral isn't all it's made out to be. I leaned forward in my chair, groaning with all the work I had to get finished. With no warning, my wrist watch started beeping enthusiastically, and I groaned from agony when I realized what it meant. I had a 'date'.

   "It wasn't even my idea." I told myself. Isn't it supposed to be the 'Man' that asks the 'Woman' out to dinner? In my case, the woman Clair has been fawning over me ever since she laid eyes on me. Or perhaps, it was my money she was fawning over. Either way, apparently I had to buy her dinner tonight, and how that happened, I shall never know. I jumped up out of my seat and crawled out of the door of my office. I waved or saluted people who I passed, some saying 'Night Mr. Onasi' or some of the younger people whistling, saying something about a 'hot date'. How the date started, and how they new about it escaped me. I rolled my eyes and waved goodnight as I made my way to my apartment, thinking about Revan, who I had not heard word from since the night she left. I tried not to dwell on her, however. Seven years is long enough to forget about a woman, hell, Revan taught me that four years was enough when I let go of my wife. And Revan was turning out to be just like Morgana. Every time I thought of her, I forgot something about her. I couldn't remember her face, her perfume, the way she walked or how she acted. The only things I could remember were her eyes, and her promise to me. Revan.

   I didn't think of her often, or at least I tried not to. The only time I ever heard the name come up was when I was talking to some of my old family. Yeah, that's right. Old family. And not the type of family you would think of. No, we were all different species, different people, with different last names, and all had different things in common. For one thing, we all had traveled with Revan. The names of my old family was Mission Vao, Canderous Ordo, Bastila Shan,  Zaalbar, Juhani Cathar, and Jolee Bindo. I remembered we were so close when Revan was with us. We all lived on close quarters on the Ebon Hawk, and Revan was the only thing that kept us together. But after Revan left, Canderous fled to Dxun. No one spoke to him for sometime, until the Jedi Exile appeared and he joined her. Zaalbar, also soon after Revan left, left for Kashyyyk to become chieftain. Bastila, Juhani, and Jolee left for Dantooine, but when Darth Traya killed all the Masters they came back to Coruscant to start the new Jedi Order. Mission stayed with me. It was just me and her for a while, a long time in fact. We spoke all the time, until we started fighting about Revan. She found out about Clair, and confronted me. I told her I needed to move on or I would be alone. She told me I'd always have her. I told her that it wasn't the same. Last I checked, she had found Dustil and went to live with him. I guessed they had started a relationship, because Dustil was seen a lot sitting with her in restaurants. It didn't bother me much. What bothered me was how far we had broken apart since Revan left.

   She has been on my mind quite a lot lately. . I made a mental note to tell Bastila. I tried to focus on the date I had tonight. Although, it wasn't my idea. I couldn't help myself though, I found myself thinking about Clair. . If Revan didn't come back, Clair was probably the woman I would marry. I didn't have any real attachments with her, she just showed up in my office one day, saying she thought I needed company. But she did have a good case. She told me I was lonely, and scared of being alone the rest of my days, and she was right. I was. She told me that she would be there, and that she felt the same way, the loneliness and such. I didn't believe her then, but I didn't deny it. She didn't know about Revan. She could never have felt the pain. Your heart being torn and mistreated. Being stabbed with a thousand knives would be easier.

   I couldn't help but wonder if Revan actually died. If she died, what that would mean for me? If she didn't die, and came back, I'd feel guilty about marrying another woman. But if she did die, and I didn't seize this opportunity, I would be lonely forever.

   It was Revan's fault anyways. She left. She didn't say where she was going. Hell, Onasi, she could have just been pulling your leg and left you for all you know.

   These thoughts haunted me. Revan hurt me that night when she left, and no matter how much I tried to talk myself into believing she loved me, I always arrived at the same conclusion: She left you. Sometimes I think she was only playing me. The Exile took her pilot with her, and they were in love. Why couldn't she have taken me along with her?

  Some days I imagined she was with me. I imagined I would pull her into my lap in the cockpit and pull her hair down, running my fingers through it, like I always used to do. I could picture her perfectly, those times only. But when I recalled the image, it eluded me. I was angry at her for doing this to me. Horribly crude thoughts evaded my mind at getting back at her by marrying Clair. But those days. . Those precious few days I would remember Revan. . I could feel her. . Her presence. It was like she was with me, I felt I was holding her, I felt her warmth against my skin, hear her laughter in my ear.

   Often in those times I had to realize that she wasn't really there.

................................
At the restaurant
................................

   I helped my date Clair to get seated, then went around the table to my seat. The restaurant we were at was an expensive restaurant, but this girl was expensive. Of course, I had to act like I didn't mind. I looked her over, either she was trying to bedazzle me, or she liked feeling a breeze, but to me (and other onlookers, no doubt) she was just showing a little too much skin. In any case, she had holes in her dress that had been purposefully placed there, it seemed, but the dress itself looked very expensive. Her short dark brown hair was draped around her ears carelessly. She was gazing at me, which made me very uncomfortable. I prayed for when she would say she was full so we could leave.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Revan
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


   After we had finally settled into the hotel room, our belongings and all, I said I wanted to give them real food. We had been eating Jenna's 'special recipes' for about 5 months, and honestly, we all needed a break. Jenna was disappointed, but everyone else looked delighted. At least her cooking wasn't Jolee's cooking. Getting back to business, I gathered up a bunch of credits, made sure everyone looked their best, and we set out to find a decent place to eat, although Coruscant being pretty big, it might've taken a while if I didn't know a perfect restaurant to take them to.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Carth
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


   I spoke with Clair for a few minutes, whilst she asked politely for Corellian wine, and I for water. I ordered an appetizer, although when it came we didn't really eat it. My appetite was gone, anyway. I never had an appetite much around Clair. I was just trying to avoid conversation with her, mostly. Oh, and she tried to start a lot of them. She really tried. I still avoided them. It was difficult, but not impossible.

   One thing led to another, but the thing that was most horrific, was that some reel from Alderaan was heard from the band, just making the woman beam with joy. She ushered me up, and we started dancing. I wasn't practiced in dancing, but I still knew the dance and at least no one stepped on anyone's foot. But for one moment, just a moment, I was reminded of Revan. It had been late at night, on the Unknown Planet where the Republic was commemorating the crew of the Ebon Hawk for the great deeds we had done on the Star Forge mission. We had a celebratory party after the ceremony, so Revan and I had danced like this. Dancing, twirling, spinning on the floor. I looked into her eyes, not seeing the hazel that was Clair’s, but the violent purple that were Revan's. Her eyes sparkling a sweet lavender, her skin glistening in the light from sweat, hair swirling with each movement. Force, I even smelled a hint Revan's perfume. How I missed her so much. I blinked once, and the song had ended. We came to a halt, she was in my arms, we were both panting, and I didn't see Clair. I was still seeing Revan. I smiled gingerly at her, and, as always, she returned the gesture. I forgot about everything, about Revan leaving, about the pain, my sorrow, but most of all. . That I was holding Clair, not Revan.

   "Hey, Flyboy," Revan smirked, leaning forward.

   "Hey, Beautiful," I whispered. I leaned forward as well, and I found out lips locked. The room was silent, the band had taken a break. I paid attention to what I was doing, stroking Revan’s shoulder's, holding her closer. But it didn't taste like Revan. I remember Revan always tasted a bit like her regular five cups of caffa, but this woman tasted like cheap lipstick. This wasn't my Revan.

   Although I had realized by then that I was kissing Clair, instead of Revan, I didn't draw back. It was horribly delightful - I hadn't been this close to a woman since Revan left. If I stopped I might not have ever been that close to a woman ever again. I took my time, dancing inside her mouth, and I felt her pleasure at getting a rouse from me. She had found my weakness, and now she could abuse it. I stopped only when I heard a pair of heels clanking on the floor, echoing across the room. I didn't detach myself, but was curious. A door closed. I figured it was Mission, and I was about to get myself into another fight, and backed away, forcing myself from Clair. Shaking my head, I tried to clear my thoughts. Who would be upset by my kissing Clair? Well, no doubt a lot of women. Women like Clair only wanted money. I touched my temples, and tried to relax. I had broken my promise. Finally. I felt relieved and guilty, scared of the consequences, but extremely proud of myself. I looked around the room, expecting all eyes to be on me, but all I saw was two beautiful violet ones, scorning me. But they weren't the ones of my beloved. They belonged to a child? She couldn't have been over seven years old, the child's eyes watered, and she squeezed them shut, and pushed her head into a woman's skirt. I looked up at the woman. Bright gray disgusted eyes threatened me now. The Exile? Skye? I took a good look at her, but she turned heel started to stomp out, with Atton, another man which I didn't recognize, a girl, and the little girl with the violet eyes. I grabbed The Exile's arm.

   "Let go of me!" She hissed. When I didn't let go of her, Atton stepped in between her and I.

   "Let go of her," Atton warned, gripping under his coat. I knew it concealed a light saber, and it would have been bad if I got on the wrong side of a 'saber. I dropped her arm. There was so many things I wanted to ask them, so many things I wanted to know.

   "Did you find Revan?" It was the first one to come to mind. The only answer I got was a slap in the face.

   "Did we find Revan, he asks us. Why should you even care, you worthless piece of fodder?" Jenna's eyes were flaming at me, daring me to contradict. The little girl cowered in fear behind her legs, sobbing into her skirt, the other girl trying to calm her down.

   I chose to ignore her. "Answer me. Where did you go? Did you find Revan?" I glanced back at the girl. This little girl reminded me so much of her. Her eyes, her hair, her. . Force, she even acted like Revan. She was guilty of crying, trying to make herself stop, but some force was making her cry and she didn't understand it. At least that's what Revan had told me it was like for her. But I betrayed Revan. My stomach twisted in disgust with myself. Then I remembered what Revan did to me. The knot slackened.

   She didn't choose to leave. And you promised her, Onasi. A voice rang in my head.

   I directed my head to the child. "Who is this girl?"

   She huffed at me. "Oh, this girl?" She, too, pointed at her. "If you don't care about Revan, you don't care about this little one." She pulled the girl behind her defensively. "You were too busy slobbering all over that. . That schutta over there to even bother noticing us. Why should you care now?" She shot a menacing look towards Clair, who was dumbfounded and slowly scrambling and stumbling towards Carth. She turned her head back to me, the look plastered on her face. "She saw you dancing with her, I can't believe you didn't feel it, but I literally felt her heart sink. . But when you kissed her. ." She glared. "Why did you do it, you moron? Why did you have to break her heart?"

   "What. . What do you mean?" My head was spinning. What was she talking about? It sounded. .

   Had she brought Revan back with her?

   "Duh! You di'kut! Revan just ran away." She scoffed. "You just missed her. But not in the long run. Oh, no, you never actually missed her, did you? You crushed her, Onasi." Jenna shook her head angrily. Atton grabbed the girl from behind the angry Jedi and lifted her up onto his waist.

   My breath caught in my throat. Revan was here on Coruscant.

   And she saw me with another woman.

   Well damn. . "I need to find her." I needed answers. I needed to know. I needed her.

   "Oh, please. Why should you need to find her? You've clearly already replaced her!" She rolled her eyes.

   I grimaced, and pushed beyond them, out the doorway, down the street. She had just left, hadn't she? And without looking back, I ran forward. Looking for her.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Revan
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   I ran, down the streets, passing alley ways, through the darkness. I was just. . Running. The memory replaying over and over in my mind. . He looked at her like he. . With so much passion. . I couldn't take it all. After a while of running, it started raining. I was drenched in the water that fell from the skies above Coruscant, and I didn't care. I started shivering, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he didn't wait for me. His promise was in the dust. My eyes watered, but it didn't matter. No one would see it anyways. I was just glad he didn't see me. I made it out the door before he could spot me, so he didn't even know I was there. At least I didn't ruin his life.

   I found myself stumbling off the side of a curb, busting my lip, making it bleed. It was over, I thought I could stay here with my love, but I had been mislead. I looked pretty pitiful. I laughed to myself, humorlessly, getting more and more soaked by the second. I could either stay out here, run forever, leave everything and everyone behind, or I could go back, and stay where I didn't belong.

   I wasn't paying enough attention to my surroundings. I didn't realize soon enough I was being followed, and it never occurred to me that it was exceptionally dangerous in Coruscant. I noticed it at the last second, but I was too late. The next thing I knew, a tall man clad in a dark hood was trying to attack me, a blaster in his hand. I cursed myself. This was the only time I had forgotten to bring a weapon. Well, I didn't mind this. It was a lot better alternative than going back and facing Carth. I dodged the man for a while, twisting, ducking, diving, not having enough energy after the run to use the Force, until he finally got a blow through to me - he kicked me off my feet, and I twisted in the air a bit so I landed face first on the ground. I felt a crack in my back, and winced. I could feel him getting closer, I heard something being unsheathed. Oh, frack. Not only did he have a blaster, he had a knife.

   I didn't have a second to react, and the dagger was penetrating from my back. I felt blood trickle off the side of the back, and I gasped for air. It was hard to breathe. I felt sweet unconsciousness sweeping over me, when I heard a blaster bolt, and a large thump, followed by rapid footsteps coming closer to me, splashing in the rain and blood that was now making a small puddle on the ground. Either I was seeing things, or Carth was standing over me, trying to grasp me in his arms. I heard someone saying something, but their cries were drowned out. I couldn't feel anything, I went numb, and everything slipped out of focus.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Carth
~*~*~*~*~*~*~


   I felt it as she went limp in my arms, but I knew she wasn't dead yet. She was way too stubborn to give up that easily. I ran several blocks, I could barely breathe, partly from running, partly from. . I was holding her again. . The many lonely nights I had dreamed of holding her again. . But this wasn't what I had expected. She had kept her promise. But I hadn't kept mine. . I promised she would be the only woman for me. . How could I have been so stupid? Just seeing her alive. . If she could hold on until I reach the medical facilities. How I had missed her. . However, it wouldn't matter at all if she died. I had to get her to a hospital. Common, Beautiful. . You have to stay with me. I know you don't want to, but you must stay alive so you can kick my stupid ass. I begged with her, bargained with her, and told her to stay alive, just to keep breathing. I looked down at her blood spattered shirt and saw her lung had been pierced. But I knew if she just held on, and they worked fast, Jedi could save her. I thought fleetingly of Mical and Bastila, the best Jedi healers, and how one phone call and ten minutes would get them to us. I finally reached my destination, bursting through the door and heading straight to a nurse. The nurse there recognized me immediately, but before she could question why I was here, she looked at the blood dripping from the lifeless woman in my arms, and called me to follow her. She ran before us, calling for help. It all happened so swiftly, all I remember is holding Revan's hand as she was rushed into a Kolto Tank. They stripped her down to her unmentionables, and carefully placed her into the tank, awaiting the Jedi to come and help. Not often did someone get stabbed in the lung.

   But that was just Revan's luck.

   I gazed at the tank for minutes, that dragged on much like hours, when Bastila, Mical, Jolee, and Mission entered the room. The took her from the tank, Mission and I being hustled out of the room. I tried to comfort the frantic twi'lekki girl, and after a few minutes she wrenched down from looking through a crack in the door and hugged me, crying onto my shoulder. Teenagers. But Mission wasn't a teenager anymore, was she? However, she would always be bratty little teenager Mission Vao to me. I smiled softly, remembering how good being in the cockpit of the Ebon Hawk was, traveling with the others, and spending nights with Revan.

   After hours of waiting, the Jedi stopped. I helped them lay her down in a soft bed. I stayed by her bedside all night, not moving once. I had my hand clasped in hers, intent on staying beside her until she awoke. Mission left with the Jedi, swearing to come the next day. I sighed. I was exhausted. Halfway through the night, as tired as I was, I laid my head down partly on her pillow, my arm absently slipping under her, pulled her close to me, and whispered, "Goodnight, Gorgeous".

   I only distantly heard the mumbled response of, "Sweet dreams, Flyboy."


~*~*~*~*~*~*
Revan
~*~*~*~*~*~*


   Everything came as a shock. I woke up with a start, propping myself up immediately with my elbows. I looked around the room. . I was in a hospital room. My first thoughts were of my daughter, and I cried Allie!, into my head. She and I had a bond, I could feel her and the turmoil inside her. It took a few minutes for her to respond, my shout caused a bit of a shock. Mommy! Your okay! We've been so worried! She squealed. I was relieved she was okay, although I knew not much would have gotten to her with Jenna and Atton with her. Who was that man that went with you, mommy? I think I know him, but I don't know who he is. Do you know him? I didn't know what she was talking about. It took me a few minutes to realize what happened. Someone saved me? Who? My gaze soon drifted to who it was when I felt someone stirring beside me. My breath caught in my throat as I gazed down at Carth, who I realized had one arm under me and one draped over me. My look wavered at his face. . His eyes were puffy, dark circles gathered underneath them although he was asleep. What had happened while I was out? Apparently I had caused Carth much grief. I let Allie know that I knew him. Relief rushed through the poor girl. I looked back at Carth, sadness striking my core. I felt him stir again and his lips started to quiver, as if he was going to say something.

   "I'm sorry. . Beautiful. . Please. . Forgive me." The words were barely heard. I sank back onto the bed, turned on my side, and rested my forehead on his scruffy chin. I pressed my cheek against his, nuzzling his neck, resting the top of my lips in the nape of his neck. It certainly got a reaction from him, startling him, but he settled down when he saw it was me.

   "Revan. . I-" He started to speak, but I cut him off. I understood what he wanted to say, anyways.

   I shushed him. "Don't say a thing. . You'll make it worse, knowing you." I missed you, Flyboy. I missed you a lot. My dreams were often filled with you and me, like this. I remembered dreaming about waking up in your arms, like being away from you had been a dream. A dream within my nightmare. Only then would the constant horror of being without you stop. "Oh, I missed you so much, Flyboy." My eyes watered, and I felt myself sobbing. He softly laughed at me, a handsome, yet tired smile showing on his face. He lifted me up, pulling me across him and off the bed, draping me across his lap, hugging my waist close to him, letting me cry openly onto his neck. Its so nice having someone just. . Be there. Especially if their name Carth Onasi and they were a Republic Admiral. . He stroked my back, trying to get me to calm down and. . It worked. My sobs stopped after a while, and then it was just me and him, holding each other.

   "Beautiful, about that woman. . I never meant to. . Its just. . I don't know how I can explain without sounding foolish. ." He stuttered.

   "You sound foolish anyways." I smirked at him. "I don't care about it. Your here with me, and you don't know how happy I am to see you." I snuggled closer to him.

   "Believe me Gorgeous, I know exactly how you feel." He pulled me back onto the bed, so we could both lay our heads down again. A heavy weight that clouded my chest took over. It was almost like the weight that had followed me to the Unknown Regions, it was the weight that should have been lifted when I killed the last of the Sith. But it hadn't gone away. Then I realized that the dreaded was about to come. That dread was proved wrong a few minutes later.

   We were interrupted about five minutes later by Atton and Jen, coming in with the rest. I closed my eyes, drawing myself closer to Carth.

   "I'm sorry, Flyboy, Jenna must have been mad at you at the restaurant." I smiled a bit.

   "Don't worry about it, Gorgeous. I was actually more interested in that little girl. That and what the blast was going on." He grinned while he thought a moment, but I looked up at him. The dreaded indeed. He gave me a confused look, furrowing his brow. I looked hurriedly at Jen, who made them all wait with her at the entrance of the room until I had my time with Carth. She nodded at me.

   Carth must have seen this, because he got even more confused. "Okay, who is that little girl?"

   "Can you keep a secret?" Excitement was bubbling up from my core, I wanted to tell him, but I was worried about what his reaction would be. Would he love her like I did? Or would he reject her, as so many others  had in the past?

   He grinned again, giving me a look. "Of course I can, Beautiful. Look who your talking to." He smiled playfully back at me, and I rolled my eyes.

   I slowly lifted my head to his ear, trailing kisses on his mouth and cheek. I stopped as soon as I got to his ear. How exactly would I tell him. I hesitated.

   "Gorgeous?" he was asking me. He wanted knowledge. He knew something was up with that little girl, but how could I tell him? How could this possibly end with a happily ever after if I informed him that I had kept his on flesh and blood away from him for seven long years of her life? His own daughter!

   I felt like I had betrayed him, just as I had felt when I knew I was pregnant. It felt so wrong, so impure, so unnatural not to be with him. I had even considered. . Not having her. . It would have been so easy not to have her to worry about, to be able to go home without any troubles at all. . But I just couldn't have done it. I knew I had chose this hardship as soon as I had bore my daughter.

   After that hesitation, I knew I couldn't have another chance to rethink my options to leave. I had to tell him anyways, and no one said it would have been easy. Hell, birth wasn't easy - but I had gotten through it. Child birth is just another of my amazing abilities as a Ex-Sith-Lord-Jedi-Knight Woman. With renewed courage, I rested my hand on his shoulder, leaned into his ear once again, and whispered lowly, "She is my daughter, Onasi."


~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Carth
~*~*~*~*~*~*~


   Revan having a child. . It was almost impossible to think of the Dark Sith Lord Revan bearing a child. It was hard to think anyways - with an answer like that, it was nearly impossible to even react. Suddenly, dawned on me, as I wondered who the father was. Had Revan truly stayed true to me? How would she have done otherwise? The girl looked young. . But then, so did Revan. Revan had always been a bit petite, but strong. Was the girl the same? For a moment, a look of panic crossed her face. It looked as if she was beating it down, and the strain of loosing the fight was showing. She motioned for someone, and I turned to see that it was the girl. What was I supposed to do? The little girl walked over shyly, her hands clasped tight behind her back, her chin down. I couldn't help but notice the likeness of her and Revan, having the same eye color, the same shade of hair. . The same stance. Revan hopped off the bed, and pulled the girl into her, having her grasped by the shoulders.

   "Carth, I would like you to meet Allie. Allie, this is Carth." 'Allie' blushed. She looked up at me, squinting her eyes slightly, and cocking her head, as if she was thinking hard about something. She looked back at Revan, who looked down at her, a small smile on her face. They both turned back to me. Still dumbstruck at the thought of seeing Revan with a daughter, I tried to collect myself and say hello.

   "Hello, Allie. I take it that it is short for Alora?" I asked. The name was easy for me to say. I grinned at it. I had used to know an Alora Jane - she was no more, not now. Now, there was only Revan. The little girl nodded, sucking in her upper lip and chewing on it.

   "Wow, such a pretty name." Allie giggled. Revan started rubbing her shoulders. A small pang creep along me. . Was I this child's father? Why else would Revan come to me? Why wouldn't she just stay with the man she had her with? As I was oblivious to who the father was, I did have a slight feeling of victory. If I was this girl's father, I could keep her and Revan with me forever. I wouldn't let Revan leave again. I watched Revan as she nervously chewed on her bottom lip, and I smirked.

   She cleared her throat. "So. . Well. . I -"

   She seemed to rethink her choice of words. "You -"

   She shook her head. "We -"

   I brought my hand up to her shoulder, and complete shock lighted her face. She was really scared I wouldn't love her anymore? I knew she wouldn't have abandoned me. I just knew. I trusted Revan.

   I knew Revan had been worrying, because as soon as the thoughts crossed my mind, her face slackened, and she smiled.

   "Alora is very proud of her name, even though she has never met the man whose surname she carries," Alora's back stiffened, she straightened her head up, and flattened her nostrils. Revan grinned. She looked at me. I looked in her eyes. We both understood. We understood everything, even if we knew nothing of the hardships we had both carried on our backs for about eight long years. Even if this girl wasn't mine, I could never stop loving Revan. It was another weakness. I could never stop loving Revan.

   And it felt so good to love and be loved.

   "Well-", Alora prompted, "my whole big name is Alora Jane Onasi." A proud, broad smile appeared on her small little delicate face. So Alora was my child.

   The same smile Alora had on her face crept up on Revan's, and I was still surprised. But I couldn't smile anymore. It's in times such as these you can't smile, and it hurts to breathe. I had been aching ever since I had woken up alone in a Coruscant apartment. And it was just now leaving. A weight lifted. My heart jumped in my throat. I ignored this pain, and her stuttering, and took her into my arms, and kissed her. I had my heart home again. A smile played on her lips, even as we kissed. She was the one that broke the kiss first.

   "So.. You.. You like Alora?" Revan managed to get out through gasps for air. I shook my head.

   "Revan, how could I like her, when I already love her?" It's hard to contain happiness, especially around Jedi. Revan rolled her eyes.

   "Oh, you and your dramatics." We grinned.

   She looked back at Alora, who was giggling.

   She squealed, her hands on her chin, grinning broadly. So she knew I was her father?

   Revan inclined her head towards me. Alora nodded, unsure. She took a step forward, and hesitated.

   "Hi, daddy . . " Suddenly, tears entered her eyes and she leaned against me. I kneeled down, cradling her against my shoulder, holding my first baby girl for the first time. My eyes started watering, and they fell on her small, delicate neck, where they made a small puddle. She leaned back, attempted to wipe off my tears, and frowned.

   "Why are you crying, daddy?" She looked at Revan, still frowning. I looked at her too. She was crying as well. At least I wasn't the only one.

   "Nothing is wrong, Angel. But I need to get to a ceremony," I rubbed my face. Alora snapped her head back at me.

   "What is the ceremony for, daddy?"

  I looked into my baby girl's bright violet eyes, the ones inherited from her mother, ones that I had often sought solace and refuge in, and smiled. "I was have shed my title as 'The Most Handsome Pilot In the Galaxy'," I said, hearing a small, wet giggle erupt from Revan, "and was just crowned the 'The Most Happiest Man in the Universe'."

   Revan started sobbing from where she stood, and I motioned her over to where I crouched with Alora. When she finally left her spot, she came to where we were, and I held her as well.  
   
How could one pilot be happier? I had the two loves of my life, my two girls, my greatest joys, in my arms. Nothing, could be happier than that. My happiest memories flashed before my eyes, my first kiss, the one with Morgana, the time I proclaimed my love for her. . Those were the only ones of Morgana, however. I felt for certain there were more memories that I cherished of her. . But I couldn't think of any. I pushed that sadness away, and reached for the few moments of bantering shared between Alora Jane and I, the first time I kissed her. . The day I proclaimed my love for Revan. The first night we were first together. The night we spent on Manaan, looking out into the Oceans as the sun set over the blissful and still waters. The day Dustil said he was glad to be with me, as my son. I locked this one memory away, held it close to my heart, as I did all my other precious memories.

   Every day with my little girl and Revan, was now a precious memory.


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The End
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